With apologies to Monty Python.
McWilliams: Trouble at banks.
Honahan: Oh no – what kind of trouble?
McWilliams: The Banks are illiquid and probably insolvent
Honahan: Pardon?
McWilliams: The Banks are illiquid and probably insolvent
Honahan: I don’t understand what you’re saying.
McWilliams: [slightly irritatedly and with exaggeratedly clear accent] The Banks are illiquid and probably insolvent
Honahan: Well what on earth does that mean?
McWilliams: *I* don’t know – Commissioner Rehn just told me to come in here and say that there was trouble at the banks, that’s all – I didn’t expect a kind of Green Party.
[JARRING CHORD]
[The door flies open and Minister Gormley of Dun Laoghaire enters, flanked by two junior cardinals. Minister Ryan has goggles pushed over his forehead. Minister White is just Minister White
Gormley: NOBODY expects the Green Party! The task we will do in government is publish the 4-year economic plan…publish the 4-year economic plan and pass the budget…pass the budget and publish the 4-year economic plan…. Our two tasks are publish the 4-year economic plan and pass the budget…and negotiate with the IMF…. Our *three* tasks are publish the 4-year economic plan, pass the budget and negotiate with the IMF….and pass the Finance Bill… Our *four*…no… *Amongst* our tasks…. Amongst our task list…are such elements as publishing the 4-year economic plan, passing the budget, negotiating with the IMF and passing the Finance Bill…. I’ll come in again.
[The Party exits]
McWilliams: I didn’t expect a kind of Green Party.
[JARRING CHORD]
[The Greens burst in]
Gormely: NOBODY expects the Green Party! Amongst our tasks are such diverse elements as: publishing the 4-year economic plan, passing the budget, negotiating with the IMF, passing the Finance Bill, and Metro North – Oh damn!
[To Minister Ryan] I can’t say it – you’ll have to say it.
Ryan: What?
Gormely: You’ll have to say the bit about ‘Our chief tasks are …’
Ryan: [rather horrified]: I couldn’t do that…
[Gormley bundles the ministers outside again]
McWilliams: I didn’t expect a kind of Green Party.
[JARRING CHORD]
[The ministers enter]
Ryan: Er…. Nobody…um….
Gormely: Expects…
Ryan: Expects… Nobody expects the…um…the Green…um…
Gormely: Party.
Ryan: I know, I know! Nobody expects the Green Party. In fact, those who do expect –
Gormley: Our chief tasks are…
Ryan: Our chief weapons are…um…er…
Gormely: Publish the 4-year economic plan…
Ryan: Publish the 4-year economic plan and —
Gormely: Okay, stop. Stop. Stop there – stop there. Stop. Phew! Ah! … our chief tasks are publishing the 4-year economic plan…blah blah blah. Minister, tweet the charges.
Boyle: U r hereby charged that u did on diverse dates commit heresy against the Coalition. ‘My old man said follow the…’
Ryan: That’s enough.
Boyle: No – I’ve got another 28 characters
[To McWilliams] Now, how do you plead?
McWilliams: We’re innocent.
Gormley: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
[DIABOLICAL LAUGHTER]
Boyle: We’ll soon change your mind about that!
[DIABOLICAL GOVERNING]